Bonus Episode 2-5 Surprise Convention "Interview" with Christopher Lambert Parody
Keith: Welcome to Highlander Rewatched! We are here live at the 30th Anniversary Highlander Convention in Lakeland, Florida! December 3rd and 4th buy your ti--No, never mind. I just go right into the ad that I used to do.

Kyle: Nope. Not anymore!

Keith: Not anymore! Thankfully!

Kyle: Yeah. And you're probably thinking you know, "What 30th Anniversary for Highlander would be complete without Christopher Lambert?"

Keith: Well, it would seem that this one was. Because he was originally scheduled and had to drop out. And... I think everybody was really bummed that he couldn't be here. Us included. I think he was the fir--the biggest person we wanted to meet, here. You don't get to see him at conventions a lot. Um, this is crazy. The second day of the convention, I guess his schedule got freed up, in France where he's filming some sort of film! Anyway, he couldn't make it yesterday, but he decided to fly to Lakeland! So this like crazy uh, you can probably hear the noise in the ba--there's a lot of people just...

Kyle: Just unwashed masses!

Keith: We've been waiting in line for like, two and a half hours, I think? We just got to the front, uh, so I wanna really--I dunno. We don't want this to take up too much time, uh, cuz there's a lot of people behind us. Uh!

Kyle: Sorry! Oh!

Keith: Everybody's pushing us around.

Kyle: There's so much jostling!

Keith: Anyway, um, Chris Lambert showed up! Uh, anyway, so uh, Chris, hi, it's uh... it's been a while since we've talked!

Christophe: Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. I thought I would just do a little surprise, here on everyone. Just uh, you know, a little psych-out, I really like uh, Ashton Kutcher. Did you ever see, uh, Punked?

Kyle: *laughing* Yeah. So you punked the convention?

Christophe: I punked the convention. Heh-heh-heh-heh.

Ke: Are pranks the--are you like, a Trickster?

Christophe: I love pranks.

Kyle: I mean, we've often thought that you were kind of a Trickster, based on that... based on that laugh that you do. That seems like something that you do, like, while someone's got a pie in the face.

Christophe: That's right. I bake my own pies.

Kyle: *chuckling* Oh you--you bake them?

Christophe: Yes.

Kyle: Not just like, whipped cream?

Christophe: No I bake--I bake them.

Keith: Are you an avid cook? Or just a baker, or--

Christophe: Am I an avid cook? *Keith chuckles* *cough cough cough* Yes. *laughter*

Keith: So, uh, okay but well--

Christophe: I actually use the runoff grapes that I don't use in my wine. I... stick 'em in a pie, baby!

Keith: I... I can't believe we're already talking about pies! We've been waiting in line for two and a half hours--

Christophe: Mmhm!

Keith: --to meet the star!

Christophe: Well everybody is always talking to me about, uh, my role as Connor MacLeod, and I think that's very important to be an immortal superhero. But, every once in a while I like to talk about something else! I mean, can you blame me?

Kyle: I'm sure this is very refreshing for you!

Christophe: Very refreshing. It's like a freshly-opened LaCroix.


Kyle: Or like a... like a Mentos!

Christophe: Or a Mentos! The fresh-maker! Did you ever see that movie, Mementos? *coughlaugh* That was a good one.

Kyle: I mean, I only saw it in reverse.

Christophe: Oh.

Kyle: I didn't watch it the front way. I think it turned out the same, though.

Christophe: That Christopher Nolan, he's a whacky guy.

Keith: So, um... Mister Lamber*t*...

Christophe: Yesssss?

Keith: Lamber(t), excuse me.

Christophe: Ugh.

Keith: Um, so you got in last night--

Christophe: Yes.

Keith: How are you finding Lakeland so far?

Christophe: Ah, it's very lovely. I like bodies of water, and there's a few here. Uh--

Kyle: Like, any size body of water? Like--

Christophe: Yeah.

Kyle: --how big are we talking?

Christophe: Uh, I like... anything, like, even pools of water in a sink.

Kyle: Oh, wow! So like--

Christophe: To stay.

Kyle: --a hotel is like, paradise for you.

Christophe: It is.

Kyle: Cuz there's like, bathtubs everywhere.

Christophe: Mmhm. Cheeseburger in paradise.

Kyle: *laughing* Mister Lambert, I don't understand that reference! *Keith is laughing*

4:04 Christophe: I'm sorry, I'm very tired. Uh, it was a long flight. I've been signing autographs all day, it's very exhausting for *****.

Keith: So what is--we haven't seen you in a while, and the--the big reason you couldn't be here, initially, was... you were working on another project, so you said but then--

Christophe: That's right.

Keith: --but then you said you punked everybody.

Christophe: Mmhm.

Keith: Uh, which is--which is it? We wanna know. And what was the project?

Christophe: It's ac--it's a little bit of both. It's um... I'm working on a French version of Punked.

Kyle: Are you the Ashton Kutcher character?

Christophe: I am. I come out and I have like a backwards hat on, and I'm like, "Hahah! We didn't set your car on fire!" or "Your grandma's not dead!" Things like that.

Kyle: And where is this set? Is this, like, on the streets of Paris?

Christophe: It is! Oui oui!

Kyle: So do you like, go up and like, steal people's baguettes? What... what do French prank shows like?

Christophe: Uh, they're snooty. *laughter*

Keith: You think the French are snooty?

Christophe: Nooo, I never said that.

Keith: Oh, wait, did I just say that?

Christophe: You just... use, you're putting words in my mouth!

Keith: I--m--I'm sorry! There's a lot of people around, I kind of zoned out for a second! *chuckling*

Christophe: It's v... it's... it's very taxing, and I, ah, I'm sorry fellows, I just, um... ah. I-I-I'm-I'm, uh... I need to tap out for a minute. We do this in the movies all the time, but uh, usually there's an edit, there's a cut...

Keith: Okay...

Christophe: But you're just gonna see it. I'm--I have somebody here to uh--

Keith: To take over?

Christophe: T-t-t-to take over.

Kyle: You have like a podcast-double?

Christophe: That's right. Because, ah, the flight was just murder.

Keith: Okay. Well how 'bout you get a nap, and--

Kyle: And the conversation's getting intense, so--

Christophe: It's getting very inte--so, I don't wanna spoil my Punked... *wheezelaugh*

Keith: Okay. Well I hope you come back soon, because I have a couple more questions to--okay.

Kyle: And how d'you--before you go, how do you say "punked" in French?

Christophe: Uh... *wheezelaugh* "Le Punked." *Kyle chuckles* Uh, so, uh, just close your eyes, and somebody's gonna be here, in a moment.

Keith: Okay.

Christopher: So, uh, whad are we, whad are we getting to sign, here?

Keith: Uh, so um, Christophe, I had some more questions, uh--

Christopher: Yeh.

Keith: --for you, um, you worked with the Coen brothers, recently on, uh, Hail Caesar. Um, I remember seeing that role, it was great to see you on screen again. Uh, do you have any plans to work with the Coen brothers in the future?

Christopher: Uhhh, y'know, uh, if there's any stunts in it, I definitely will, uh... be a part of that production. But, if not, I dunno!

Ky: So, so... Mister Lambert, you're only now doing movies with stunts in them? *wheeze laugh*

Christopher: Well, uh, if a stunt calls for it, and I can... you know, stand in as I do, uh... then I-I-I... I guess I'll take advantage of that--

Keith: Wait, wait. Stand in as you do... Wait a minute! I thought--wait a minute! You're not Christoph--Christopher Lambert!

Christopher: No, it's me. Christopher Lamber*t*.

Keith: Oh! I closed my eyes when--*snickering*--when Christophe left! Like he told us to!

Christopher: And you--you got tricked, baby!

Kyle: *laughing* I can see why he's been such a good meal-ticket for you.

Christopher: 'Ey. It's outstanding. We c--we could have been separated at birth and... possibly were. I've never had DNA testing done, I never knew my parents...

Keith: *laughing* You didn't?

Christopher: No. *laughter* I was left on the steps of a soup kitchen. And a kindly nun found me and took me in. Raised me as her own.

7:17 Kyle: So, was it your adopted grandfather who was... who was murdered by a rodent? ***** roadie?

Christopher: That's right! *laughter*

Keith: And I--and you grew up on the--was the soup kitchen on the beach? Cuz I believe... you learned to scuba dive...*chuckling* when you grew up on the beach.

Christopher: It's a funny thing. This soup kitchen was specifically for beach bums. Like yer, your, uh--

Keith: Okay. That does make sense, actually.

Christopher: Which goes back to the cheeseburger in paradise, uh, joke. Who's that beach-singing guy whose name I can't remember? You know who I'm talking about. Margaritaville.

7:49 Keith: Kabowabbo.*****?

Kyle: *sings* I'm wasting away again in Margaritaville...

Christopher: But this was a soup kitchen right on the beach, so you could like, come ou--come in off your boogie board, and if you were a homeless boogie boarder, get some soup. That's what people want at the beach, right? Soup?

Kyle: Yeah! Always! *chuckling*

Keith: Well as a--

Kyle: Is it always... is it always Gazpacho?

Christopher: Always. Ice-cool Gazpacho.

Keith: Ah, so, as Christophe Lambert's stunt-double, you must be obviously... well you're a physical guy like he is--

Christopher: Mmhm.

Keith: Um, ah, did you get an opportunity to take Mister Adrian Paul's Sword Experience, today? Cuz I know you're, you know, into swords as well.

Christopher: I mean, every day of my life is a sword experience, so, I--I--I think I'll save the uh, the change.

Kyle: *laughing* So, every day of your life you have to learn to fight with swords? Is that part of your daily experience?

Christopher: That's right. Every day.

Keith: Maybe, let's... I wanna, I want to get this question out early--

Kyle: Coming soon from Bert Lambert, "The Garrotte Experience"? *Christopher laughs*

Keith: I wanna ask this question early because we didn't... we didn't get to it 'til the very end of the podcast, last time, and there wasn't enough time.

Christopher: No.

Keith: Uh, but we seem to always talk about your family life--

Christopher: Yesss.

Keith: You... you have two estranged children, apparently.

Christopher: Uuh.

Keith: Uh--

Kyle: And parents you don't know. You've got a very complicated family history!

Christopher: It's very hard.

Keith: I've... I've seen some Facebook messages, on our page, like... they're looking for you! They...

Christopher: Are they?

Keith: They are. They wanna see you, and now that we've gotten a chance to reconnect, I think now's the opportunity to make a... do you wanna say anything to them at all?

*moment of silence* *someone wheezelaughs*

Christopher: To Bert Junior... I--

Keith: Bert Lambert...

Christopher: Yesss.

Kyle: Junior.

Keith: Junior.

Christopher: I just wanna say: I'm sorry I missed all those baseball games. I'm sorry... uh, I wasn't dressed up as Santa Claus for Christmas. Sorry I couldn't give you a spanking when you're bad...

Kyle: Bert's probably happy about that last one.

Christopher: You think so?

Keith: I mean, unless... unless he's like, there's an abusive step-dad who like, hit him with a belt.

Christopher: *laughs* Uh. Here's hopin'. *Kyle laughs* I'm sorry, Bert.

Keith: And what about your daughter? And wh--we didn't get her... your daughter's name.

Christopher: Her name is Christine... Lambert.

Keith: Very good.

Christopher: I got nuttin' to say to her.

Kyle: What?!

Keith: NOTHING to say?!

Kyle: She's your only daughter and you have nothing to say to her?

Christopher: No. *wheezelaugh*

Kyle: Has--did you ever encounter this person? *moment* Like, as an adult, and she wronged you? What's going on here?

Christopher: Uuh... I just don't like the looks of her.

Keith: That's harsh! *laughing*

Kyle: Yeah, well if you're--

Keith: I mean, no offense, but you're not a swell-looker! I mean, like, you've been through it! All those plate glass--glass windows...

Christopher: 'Scuse me?

Keith: *laughing* I'm just sayin'...

Kyle: You don't wanna... *low voice* You don't want to anger this man. He's got so much sword experience! *laughter*

Keith: I've, uh, so in the time that we've last talked, uh, it's been a while. A couple of months. Have you got--have you finally gotten around to seeing the Highlander film? I mean, now it's like the 30th Anniversary DVD and Blu Ray came out, like, did you finally watch the movie?

Christopher: I actually just listened to your guys’s uh, review of it, which you can check out on the Highlander Rewatched Archive!

Keith: And where, where is that fou--Where did you even find that?

Christopher: Wherever podcasts are found!

Keith: Oh wow!

Christopher: iTunes, Stoundcloud, Stitcher—Stoundcloud?!

Keith: You seem to---well I’m glad that you’ve been keeping up with our podcast—

Christopher: Yeah, you know—

Kyle: What did you think? What did you think of our analysis of the movie that you’re in that you haven’t seen?

Christopher: I thought it was fascinating. Um, you guys didn’t really talk about my contributions very much, but uh, it’s good that I can be involved in something that people appreciate.

Kyle: W—

Keith: Well we can talk about those contributions now, more, I mean…

Kyle: Yeah! This is your chance to set the record straight!

Keith: We—we actually only talked about Highlander One on the first podcast—

Christopher: Oooh!

Keith: --and we said we maybe could discuss the sequels—

Christopher: Mmm.

Keith: Uh, so… I know we are ready to talk about Highlander Two. I’m sure it’s always fresh in your mind. So, uh, any good… recollections of the… plot of that movie?

Christopher: Ah, I told you about the plot last time I believe. Um…

Keith: No, I don’t think so!

Christopher: I think we did.

Kyle: Have you seen my… Have you seen Highlander Two? You haven’t seen Highlander One. Did you, for some reason, see Highlander Two?

Christopher: No, no. Uh, I just remember the skateboard. That’s about it. Uh…

Keith: Oh you did talk to us a little bit a--cuz you said... uh, hold on. Every time I blink, I'm getting you and uh, your cohort, Christophe, confused!

Christopher: Oh. That... that's understandable.

Keith: Cuz I think... Christophe said he came up with the skateboard tricks!

Christopher: Oh, that's right! *laughter* Apparently I get confused, too!

Keith: Well you two are, I mean, always so close, you work--you're inseparable.

Christopher: Well we--we, uh, really, when we're on set, we just... we have ta... stay together. We have ta, you know, finish each others' sentences, uh... mm. We share food. He takes a bite, I take a bite.

Keith: Lady and the Tramp style?

Christopher: Yeah. That's right.

Kyle: D'ya ever try to trick people, Parent-Trap style?

Christopher: All the time.

Keith: It's strange; we talk so little about your career, in the scheme of things, and more about your family. Uh, but I do find that to be the most interesting, I think. No offense to your career.

Christopher: No! None taken. I'm behind the scenes! I don't wanna shatter any illusions.

Keith: I-uh-hahhah. But wha--you've mention that you, well, let's--let me just paint the picture again for the--for the audience to, to span these two episodes that you've, you know, graced us with your presence. So... you were abandoned as a child...

Christopher: Yes.

Keith: ... in a soup kitchen on the beach...

Christopher: Mmhm.

Keith: ...a nun found you...

Christopher: Mmhm.

Keith: ...took you in...

Christopher: Mmhm.

Keith: were there able to learn scuba...

Christopher: Mmhm.

Keith: From there at some point I suppose you got married, or there was a lady--

Christopher: There was a lady.

Keith: You had two children.

Christopher: Two kids.

Keith: Then you... went to London...

Christopher: Jolly good.

Keith: get a job, because you thought someone else was looking for...

Christopher: Mmhm?

Keith: ...a Christopher Lambert stunt-double, for YOU.

Christopher: Yes!

Keith: Because of your work on--in the film industry, your wife left you and took the children. They're now estranged, and now you are I believe a seventy-six year old man... *wheezelaughter*

Christopher: That's right! I keep--

Keith: ...whose children are trying to reach out to them. So, so my question is--

13:36 Kyle: ***** want a response to that!

Keith: --can you tell us *laughing as speaking* about your wife? Cuz we don't know much about her!

Christopher: She was a beautiful woman. Uh... I met her...

Keith: What was her name?

Christopher: Her name was Cassandra. *moment of silence* I dunno why I paused after that.

Kyle: *laughing* It's a lovely name!

Christopher: I was--I was--just thinking wistfully. Uh... I met her, uh... in a London pub, playing Snooker. If you're familiar with that.

Kyle: What's... I'm not familiar with that.

Christopher: It's a game similar to Pool. I don't really know the exact differences of it, but there's balls and sticks!

Kyle: There's a dick-joke here, I'm not gonna make it.

Christopher: Mm. All berries and no... I dunno.

Keith: Whoa!

Kyle: *laughs* Oops! All berries!

Christopher: That's what I was talking about! My favorite cereal!

Kyle: *still half-laughing* So that's how you met Cassandra? You--you--did you play Snooker together?

Christopher: We did. We Snookered, if you will.

Keith: Oh wow!

Kyle: Oh, my.

Christopher: Using the parlance of our times.

Kyle: Did she seem like a Snooker-shark? Did she like take advantage of you?

Christopher: She did! I thought we were playing Pool, so we were playing two different games the whole time. *Keith laughsr* And then eventually, I was like "Well, I lost!" and the prize... uh huh, uh huh, the Prize..?

Keith: Oh, I get it.

Christopher: eh... was that uh, I had to marry her. *wheezelaugh* We got married that night.

Keith: Oh yeah?

Christopher: Mmhm! Little known fact that London has uh, drive-through marriages, just like Las Vegas.

Keith: *laughing* Interesting. I'm learning so much from you!

Kyle: So this romance was based on a lost game of, of Snooker?

Christopher: That's correct!

Keith: Was there ever any love?

Christopher: Oh yeah!

Keith: Yeah?

Christopher: Love at first sight.

Keith: Oh okay.

Christopher: Mmhm. But you know, the wild world of acting takes you away from your family.

Kyle: So, like how did... so sh... she... she lived in London? She was British? What was the... How did you overcome the Atlantic Ocean?

Christopher: Oh. Uh... well I saved up my, uh... every day, from the soup kitchen I'd uh, take a dime, from the uh, tithing box.

Keith: Whoa ho ho! *laughing*

Christopher: I'm not proud of it, but uh... you know...

Kyle: You are from a... a mob family.

Christopher: That's right!

Kyle: So, they should know.

Christopher: It's in the blood. Uh, so, you know. I just saved up a bundle from that, 'n took that first trip over ta jolly old England.

Keith: Very good. *moment* What were you doing for work THEN?

Christopher: Uh...

Kyle: He was working in the soup kitchen, apparently.

Christopher: Yeah!

Keith: Like when you, when you first moved to London. Before you got involved in Highlander. Did you have a job?

Christopher: I wrapped fried fish in newspapers.

Kyle: *wheezelaughter* You were like a, a fish fry-cook?

Christopher: I--I--

Kyle: Or did you just--you just wrapped fish in newspapers?

Christopher: Just wrapping.

16:08 Kyle: *****So you worked for like, a fish-monger?

Christopher: Yeah, um... a fish-'n-chips cart. You know I had some newspapers on me, and I just walked up and was like, "Hey, you need these wrapped?" And they were like, "Jolly good, mate! Wrap up dis fish," and I did it. *wheezelaugh* I got paid six pence, none the richer.

Keith: Wow!

Kyle: How much is six pence?

Christopher: I don't know. *laughter*

Kyle: It sounds like they got a good deal.

Christopher: It's about one more than five.

Kyle: There we go.

Christopher: And one less than seven! *wheezelaugh*

Kyle: Let's not go crazy.

Christopher: *laughs* And then uh... I kind of went up in wrapping, like uh... I'd wrap presents... that's how I saw the... ad!

16:52 *****Kyle: That's how you saw the Bert, right? Because you were wrapping fish!

Christopher: That's right. That's right.

Keith: That really brings it all together.

Kyle: So you were cast in this movie in London, not in New York City.

Christopher: That's right. *pause* I don't know if that checks out.

Keith: I think that one checks out. Cuz this all seems to make sense.

Kyle: You've put together a coherent life, Mr. Lambert! *laughing*

Christopher: Looka' that!

Kyle: But... Cassandra's gone. D'ja ever try ta... win her back? Is she still... is she still with us? Is she also seventy-six?

Keith: *laughing* "Is she still also seventy-six!"

Christopher: She robbed the cradle a little bit. She was a little more experienced, uh, than I was, I'll say that much. Um... she's still alive. She... uh... uuuuuuh... is still in the same Snooker hall, SNOOker... I dunno. N--you know, I'm an American.

Keith: Right.

Christopher: I can't pronounce these... English phrases. Uh, I walk by that... any time I walk by that bar, I think about goin' in 'n... puttin' my shilling on the table... *laugh*

Keith: Wow!

Christopher: reserve the... the table. But I just can't bring myself to do it. What a regret.

Keith: Wow! *Kyle laughs* So...

Kyle: This is getting real dark, here.

Keith: It looks like Christophe is coming back, uh...

Christopher: Oh.

Keith: ...from his respite, uh... So, Chris, it was nice to talk to you again.

Christopher: Oh, a pleasure. Always.

Keith: Yeah, um... I... d'you... do you want US to tell your children any--I mean like, at least Christine!

Kyle: What about poor Christine?

Christopher: *exasperated sigh* Uh, I don' know. Give her my... give her my phone number.

Keith: *laughingly* I don't even have your phone number!

Christopher: Oh.

Kyle: Shall I give her a--We could give her a fake phone number for you.

Christopher: There we go!

Kyle: And, do you have a message for Cassandra, too? She might be out there like, y'know, we're sometimes broadcasting in, in snooker halls--*they laugh*--so, every once in a while.

Christopher: *deep breath* Baby, I miss ya.

Keith: But you don't wanna--but you don't wanna reconnect with her.

Christopher: No.

Keith: *laughing* Nor your children.

Christopher: No! *laughing*

Kyle: But you miss them both, terribly.

Christopher: I do. I think about them every day. *moment of silence*

Keith: Alright, Chris. Thanks.

Christopher: You're welcome.

Keith: Christophe! Good to see you back.

Kyle: You're looking very refreshed.

Christophe: Oh, yes. That was a good break.

Kyle: Your double fooled us for a while there. We haven't really heard... we've talked to your double a little bit about YOU, but wh--what's your take on...*Eamon laughs*...on Mister Lambert?

Christophe: He's... a good guy. Um, he looks just like me. Sometimes, uh... I'll send him in my stead to things I don't want to be at. Uh... court hearing, doctor's appointments, uhm... hmm. Accountant visits. *laughter*

Kyle: So like, he knows a lot about your personal health and financials. Or are... are you sure that you don't have any medical conditions that... either he has, or...?

Christophe: I get confused over who has what. A lot.

Kyle: So he's--

Christophe: I'm like, do I have gout, or does he? *Keith and Kyle laugh* Did I cure my Shingles, or did he?

Kyle: *laughing* So you BOTH had Shingles?

Christophe: We DID both have Shingles.

Kyle: But hopefully both of you don't have it now.

Christophe: I hope not. I can't really tell. Can you look at my back for me?

Keith: Oh, my god!

Christophe: I'll just--

Keith: This, well, this is really the inside-look we've always wanted!

Kyle: Well there's just like a swarm of people here--

Christophe: --lift my shirt up--

Kyle: I don't know if you wanna show them all your back... but then maybe they'd love it!

Keith: This is a new experience at a convention!

Christophe: They gotta get their money's worth. Heh heh heh heh heh!

Kyle: Maybe we should ask them. Like--*moves away from microphone* Hey! Hey! People! Do you ah, wanna see Christopher Lambert take his shirt off? *round of applause, whooping and hollering a few seconds* Well, there's your answer!

Christophe: Here we go! *laughter*

Keith: Um... Chris, after you put your shirt back on, uh, I was curious. I wanna as a question about a sh--

Kyle: Ooh... I dunno if this is Shin... I dunno if this is Shingles, but you might wanna get that checked out.

Christophe: You think so?

Keith: *long suffering* I have a question for you.

Christophe: Yes.

Keith: Mister Lambert--

Christophe: Yes.

Keith: One of the more recent appearances we also saw you in besides Hail Caesar, was... um, you did a new DVD interview for the Highlander 30th Release.

Christophe: Uh, that's right!

Keith: Uh, you are a man with a creative fashion sense. Uh... can you tell us about the shirt you were wearing... in that interview? Like, what was that?

Christophe: It was a funny cartoon drawing.

Keith: Mmhm?

Christophe: I believe it was a man who had a squiggly... head? That was a doodle I actually saw on a windshield... you know when like it snows, or something, and then somebody draws something on a windshield...? That's where I saw that, and I was like, "I need to get that on me, baby!" So I did a little doodle on a napkin, that I had in my pocket...

Kyle: You did a little doodle?

Christophe: I did a little doodle! And I got it screen-printed on a t-shirt!

Keith: That--that's pretty good! What are you wearing today? Cuz your outfit today is equally... interesting.

Christophe: Yes. Today I am wearing a... uh, red, uh, vest. That has, uh, little cat paws all around it. Like, a cat just ran through some ink, and *highish voice* ran around the desk a little bit 'n got into some trouble...

Kyle: So, do you have any cats, Mister Lambert?

Christophe: I love cats. *background chuckles* I have fourteen cats.

Kyle: Fourteen cats! Wow! How do you keep them all straight?

Christophe: I all name them... the same thing.

Keith: You all name them... *chuckling*

Kyle: That's gonna make my next squee--question easier. I was going to see if you could name them in alphabetical order, preferably!

Christophe: I can.

Kyle: So, wh-what is their name?

Christophe: Their name is all... *wheeze laugh* Russell.

Keith: Russell?

Kyle: Russell? Is that like a, a... an homage to... to Highlander?

Christophe: It is!

Kyle: Now, are they named after Russell Nash, your alias, or... Russell Mulcahy, the... the director?

Keith: Are some of the cats named after one, and some are named after the other?

Christophe: That's true.


Kyle: Are some of them, like, when like one of the cats is like, cruisin' for some ass, that's like... that's a Russell Nash?

Christophe: That's right. That's right. When he's in the garage. *cackles from Keith*

Kyle: Like, when one of them is in a fight with a boar...*Christophe: Mmhm.* ...that's a Russell Mulcahy.

Christophe: That's--that's a Mulcahy. That's right. Cuz you can tell, like, which ones are more of a... Mulcahy and which ones are more of a Nash. Like each little cat has its own little personality; little spark, if you know what I mean. Heh heh heh.

Keith: *wheezelaugh* Um, I was also curious... well, you're... still making wine, I assume, right?

Christophe: Yes.

Keith: So, I just wanted you to clarify some wine-making points for us. Somebody... was not happy with you... last time you were on the show. Uh, I don't think they appreciated the way you make your wine. They wrote us a very angry e-mail. Uh, and they thought you were a racist. *containing laughted* Let's just... respond to that first. Is Christopher Lambert a racist?

Christophe: That's ludicrous. Much like my favorite rapper.

Kyle: *laughter* What's your favorite Luda-song?

Christophe: Ooooh! I like the one where uh, he has the big hands and feet in the video, don't remember what that's called. *moment* I think he shouts "STAND UP!" in it. *laughter* My favorite Ludacris movie is Crash. Written by Paul Haggis. *Kyle laughs* Speaking of haggis... Or was it directed by Paul Haggis?

Keith: Written by.

Christophe: Mmhmmm. I mostly like him because he reminds me of calling Sean Connery a haggis in the Highlander movie! *soft laugh from Kyle?* But Ludacris is very good in it.

24:14 *****Kyle: *Sean Connery voice* That's revolting!

Christophe: Hah hah hah hah hah hah! That was good.

Keith: But so y-you do continue to make the gr--the--the wine by stomping on all the grapes.

Christophe: Hey, you know what, I just do what I do, and haters are gonna hate. *someone snickers* You know what I mean?

Keith: Mmhm!

Kyle: But you--you've been carefully avoiding the question of uh, whether or not you're a racist.

Christophe: Oh, no.

Kyle: Is there a reason behind that?

Christophe: No, no. It's just ludicrous. I said it was ludicrous already. I mean, Crash is like my favorite movie! How could I be a racist?

Keith: That's true!

Kyle: That's... that might be a premise in that movie.

Christophe: Nah. That's true.

Keith: "That might be a premise..." *laughing*

Christophe: I actually was in this mo--that movie.

Ke: What?

Kyle: Whoa! What role did--

Christophe: It got... it got cut. I was a... a... wine salesman. *Keith snorts*

Kyle: Really.

Christophe: Yes.

Kyle: What w--you and--

Keith: *between laughs* What was his name?

Kyle: Were you one of the characters who was racist? Or was... someone was racist against you?

Christophe: Uh, I actually was just there selling wine. Like two chara--

Keith: It was inconsequential to the plot?

Christophe: Yeah.

Kyle: So you're like an extra?

Christophe: Yeah. More or less. *laughter* I had a few lines. Like, they came in, I say "Oh, what wine would you like? Red, or white?" And then that sparks a discussion on race.

*Keith burst into laughter, Kyle joins him*

Keith: Very good! Well, I think--

Christophe: Very good.

Keith: *wheezelaugh* Uh, so, uh... the line is getting violent behind us, *Christophe laughs* because we have spent way too much time, uh--

Kyle: It's raucous.

Keith: Yeah.

Kyle: A... a massive professional wrestler was like, "I need Christopher Lambert's autograph now!"

Christophe: Now!

Keith: So, uh, thank you again for joining us.

Christophe: Thank you.

Keith: It was amazing not just to talk to you on the phone this time, but to see you in person.

Christophe: Yes. A pleasure.

Keith: And we've seen a lot of you, in person, since you've now shown us your whole naked torso!

Christophe: That's right!

Kyle: You've gotta get that checked out.

Christophe: I will. I will.

Keith: That's because that's one of the highlights of the convention, now. Christopher Lambert took his shirt off here! *Christophe chuckles* So anyway, I know a lot of people were, uh... you know, not as many people were able to come to this convention, and you really missed a big show, cuz Lambert was barin' it all!

Christophe: That's right!

Keith: Lam-baring it all! *Christophe laughs*

26:10 Kyle: *****Bare-ee!

Keith: Very good. Very good! Uh, thank you Chris for joining us.

Christophe: Thank you. Thank you guys.

Keith: Uh, and also, I guess, uh, thank you um... he's kind of back there handling all your pictures and autographs 'n stuff, uh... thank you, Chris!

26:23 *****Kyle: *indistinct*

Christopher: *distant* Thanks!

Keith: *wheezelaughs* Very good! Uh, well thanks everyone for joining us. I've been one of your Rewatchers....

Kyle: I'm Kyle!

Keith: *laughing* Eamon, did you have any questions for Christopher? *wheezelaugh* We didn't really--I'm so--Eamon, you've been... just behind us the whole time.

Eamon: I'm just...

Kyle: He's intimidated.

Keith: On crowd-control!

Eamon: I'm intimidated, and in awe! I-I just... I don't know. Thank you... Mister Lambert, for all that you've done.

Keith: Alright. Next time, I want you to lead the conversation--

Eamon: Okay.

Keith: --Eamon, just because--

Eamon: I will.

Keith: --I feel you're always getting the short end of the stick.

Eamon: Yes. Definitely.

Keith: Alright. Uh, thanks everybody, and buy those magnets!

Eamon: Bye!

Kyle: Bye!

MUSIC 27:13

Christopher: Yeah. What's his name. No!

*****Kyle: Uh, Margaritaville.

Christopher: Ahhh... Parrotheads?

Keith and Kyle: Yeah.

Christopher: Who is that guy? This is unbelievable.

Kyle: This is embarrassing.

Keith: Yeah.

Christopher: That none of us can remember that guy's name.

Kyle: *sings* I'm wasting away again in Margaritaville....